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Webmaster | 30. July 2008 @ 16:02

I know, because I kept my anxiety a secret day after day, year after year for fifteen years.

Looking back, it's hard to believe. The secret felt like a lead anchor dragging me down. It was so heavy I could hardly move, both emotionally and physically.

I was drowning emotionally. I thought that if others found out my "secret," they would believe what I believed about myself... that I was a worthless person who had no place in this world.

They would discover that I was faking it. I was really not as intelligent, or nice, or all-together as I appeared. They would discover that I was falling apart on the inside.

Once I decided to share the "secret" of my anxiety with a safe, trusted person, guess what happened?

My anxiety lessened. I started to feel free. It was like a glass prison had been shattered.

The anchor I had put around my own neck lightened considerably and I realized that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

There WAS a way to conquer anxiety and gosh darn I was going to take back my life no matter what it took! It was EMPOWERING.

Anxiety makes you feel like you are alone and not "good enough." These feelings naturally lead to silence. Breaking the silence is a powerful way to challenge the negative thoughts that perpetuate anxiety.

By coming out of the closet with a trusted person, you are saying to yourself that you ARE good ARE ARE smart... you ARE capable, and much more.

I am not suggesting that you climb the top of a mountain and announce to the entire world that you experience anxiety. It's up to you to decide when and with whom you would like to share.

If and when you decide to share, don't start this conversation when the TV is blaring, the kids are clamoring for dinner, you're studying for a big exam, or you're rushing to get ready for work.

Choose a quiet, private time so that you have the time and space to speak and the other person has the time and attention to listen.

When you decide to "come out of the closet," here are a few tips to keep in mind.

Choose a "safe," trusted person who loves you unconditionally. This person could be a parent, spouse, sibling, a close relative, or a good friend.

Expect that the person may not know how to respond or may not respond the way you'd like, even though they want to help you.

It might help if you ask for what you desire up front when you broach the topic, for example: "I have something important to tell you about what I'm going through right now. I don't expect you to understand or to "fix" this problem. I just ask you to be here for me and keep that unconditional love coming my way as I work through the recovery process. Some 'I love you's' and hugs would be great!"

Some people find it easier to tell a more emotionally detached third party rather than a loved one, and that's OK too.

You might choose a psychologist, minister, or counselor with whom to share.

If you don't know of anyone with whom to share, do an Internet search for an online anxiety support group and break your silence there.

Another alternative is to record yourself talking about your anxiety. Then play the recording back and listen compassionately, acting as your own safe person.

"Coming out of the closet" about your anxiety with a safe person can be an empowering step in the recovery process!

About the author:Jammy Hokins writes for where you can find out more about cheap hotels and other topics.

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Webmaster | 28. July 2008 @ 16:02

Beverly had suffered from anxiety most of her life. As a child, she slept poorly and often had nightmares. She bit her nails and would chew on the skin around her nails until they were raw and bleeding.

Beverly had tried many forms of therapy, meditation and medication before consulting with me. She had a strong belief in God and prayed daily. Yet she was still anxious and could not understand the source of her anxiety.

Beverly grew up in a "normal" household with two parents who seemingly loved her. Yet as we explored her childhood, it became apparent that, while there was no overt abuse, the covert emotional abuse was constant.

Her parents were highly critical of her and would get angry and withdraw when she didn't perform to their expectations. Her mother was not affectionate and her father's affection was tinged with sexual energy that frightened her.

Beverly felt tense much of the time in her home. Her parents fought a lot and her mother would often end up crying hysterically while her father withdrew behind his newspaper.

What she did not see in her household was any role-modeling for taking personal responsibility for her own feelings. Her mother would blame her and her father whenever she was unhappy, while her father would blame her and her mother for his upsets.

Beverly always tried to be a good girl and be there for her parents, but no one was ever there for her.

It's easy to see why Beverly was so anxious as a child. But what was causing her anxiety as an adult?

The problem was that Beverly had never learned how to be a loving parent to herself, because her parents had not been loving to her or to themselves. She was kind and generous with others, but she tended to ignore her own feelings and needs.

The little girl inside Beverly, her Inner Child, felt alone and abandoned inside most of the time. In addition, she was highly critical of herself, just as her parents had been with her. She was constantly telling herself that she couldn't do anything right.

Beverly was treating herself just as her parents had treated her and themselves. Little Beverly did not have a powerful loving inner adult to attend to her feelings or speak up for her with others. Instead, she was neglectful or critical of herself. Due to abandoning herself and not giving herself love and approval, she was constantly seeking approval from others.

As a result, Beverly felt anxious in many situations with others - with friends, at work, as well as with her husband and children. She was constantly trying to 'perform' right so people would approve of her or not be mad at her. She was constantly suffering from "performance anxiety."

Beverly saw that much of her anxiety centered around wanting to control how others saw her and treated her. She realized that she judged herself in the hopes of getting herself to perform right. She noticed that she was constantly seeking others´┐Ż approval because of being so critical of herself.

Learning to be compassionate with herself rather than judgmental was a challenge that took time and dedication. She was so used to judging herself that she would do it without realizing it.

Through her inner work, Beverly became aware of the fact that most of the critical things she told herself about herself were just not true - they were beliefs she had absorbed from her parents but were not the reality of who she was.

As she paid attention to her self-judgments, she noticed that her anxiety was directly related to her judgments, false beliefs, and desire to control getting approval from others.

As Beverly slowly learned to be a loving inner parent rather than a critical one, her anxiety gradually diminished. Any time it she felt anxious, she could now trace it back to something she had told herself that not only was not true, but was self-critical.

She discovered that she had been using her spiritual connection as a way of avoiding responsibility for herself, rather than as guidance in what was loving to herself.

As she opened to learning about what was loving to herself, she gained more access to and connection with her spiritual source of guidance. The more Beverly took loving care of herself, the more inner peace she attained.

About the author: Jammy Hokins writes for where you can find out more about cheap hotels and other topics.

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Webmaster | 9. February 2008 @ 16:02

One the basic defense mechanism we have within our selves is call Protective. Protective is more than just a defense mechanism for it has a caring nature. Like, you might say, a knight it shields and protects you. This is why it is such an aid in help eliminating anxiety and panic. By learning to protect self, your being you will find fewer problems in life. For example, smoking can cause anxiety and panic because it will affect your health. You are not protecting your health. Drinking excessively can be harmful to your health, but if you reduce your intake you are basically protecting self from harm.

Most times people deal with dread, fear, worry, anxiety, stress, and the like failing to see the reality and imagined triggers that stimulate the emotions. Most times the person will run to escape the feelings, rather than learning to deal with them as they come along.

Panic is real when you come face to face with a serial killer, however panic is not real when a bill comes along and you have less than a week to pay the darn thing. Most times, if you dig up resources, ask questions and the like you will find a solution to your problem. Likewise, fear is real when you come face to face with a rapist or murderer

About the author:Dave Fitzgerald writes articles on Health to help improve as well as inform people, hoping that the information will bring them a healthier and happier life.

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